April Fools’ Exclusive: Urey’s House Hunt

Join a hamster on his adventure hunting for a new home.

Join a hamster on his adventure hunting for a new home.

Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only. None of the houses are suitable for hamster living. To see factual information on hamster habitats, please visit the Housing tab on our Hamster page.





Thank you for joining us on this grand adventure. Our friend Urey the hamster has decided it’s time for change. He’s ready to pack up his bowl, bottle, toy and wheel and see what the world has to offer. Urey is looking for a new home. Not just any home will do. The glass containers are just a little too plain for him these days. Urey is going for style. He wants something no other hamster on the block has. Let’s join him on this house hunt and see what dazzling dwellings our little friend comes across.

The Log House
Log houses have been around for quite some time, but the idea to use them as the primary construct of a hamster home is a unique one. Urey likes the idea. He has the heart of a woodsman, and he likes to chew. Urey knows he will never be in short supply of nibble material in the log house, although he is concerned he may chew himself out of a home if he gets too gnaw happy.

Something Urey doesn’t like about the log house is how drafty it can be. The insulation of the house isn’t 21st century, and a sharp wind can get in between the logs. It’s a good thing he’s a Winter White hamster, or that might pose a serious problem.

The coolest thing about the log house is its instantaneous redesign ability. With a little help from a buddy, the log house can be easily taken down and reassembled in a different way. Though this house isn’t near any major cities or tourist attractions, or any close family for that matter, the price is right and it has one heck of a back yard — the great outdoors!

The European Castle
Urey thought he’d get in touch with his family tree and see how the hamsters of old lived. This style of living dates back nearly 1,600 hamster generations! Being in the heart of Europe, Urey would be able to hit all the major tourist attractions without too much travel time. This house is very spacious, and it’s two stories, a feature that pleases Urey greatly. It’s also got a lot of windows. That’s another plus.

Unfortunately, moving to Europe would mean Urey would be very far from all his close family members, so that’s something Urey would have to take into consideration if he went with the castle. The cost of the castle is also tremendous, so Urey would probably have a house payment for the rest of his life. In fact, considering a hamster’s life span, his children’s children would probably still be paying for this castle.

If Urey finds it in his budget to buy the castle, he’d have quite a big back yard, and Europe is well-known for its cuisine. The castle also has a lot more color to it than the  log house.

The Playskool
Hoping to see another option with a price range that won’t burden the great-grandchildren, Urey moves on to the Playskool. After a short bathroom break, Urey surveys this humble abode and sees what it has to offer. The first thing Urey notices is that it has a great color palette. It also has a built-in porch swing, which Urey could see himself growing old in as the months pass on. Being in the heart of the city, the Playskool house isn’t far from shops or the town square, and his family would be close by.

Urey wasn’t too impressed with the square-footage of this house — it seemed a bit cramped. It also felt like it could use more windows. The back yard wasn’t all that big either. If Urey ever got married and decided to have kids, this house probably just wouldn’t be big enough to start a family.

While the Playskool is definitely affordable and is close to Urey’s relatives, Urey only sees it as a potential bachelor pad.

The Animal Hospital
Back in the 1950s, this building used to be an animal hospital. In the 1970s, the business moved and the building was renovated to become a home. Urey likes the fact that he can get a two-story home with this much square-footage at the price being asked. The house has plenty of windows to let lots of light in. The back yard is a decent size too. The color scheme isn’t as nice as the castle or the Playskool, but it isn’t bad either.

The architecture of this house is the thing that bothers Urey. It’s obvious the building wasn’t originally built for a home. Urey thinks it looks somewhat like a prison. The building is also located on the outskirts of town, in the business district, so his family isn’t as close as he’d like them to be.

Though the Animal Hospital isn’t very close to any popular attractions, it would be great for Urey to host his own parties. With many free rooms to do with as he pleases, he could have a study, an office, a gym or whatever. This house has possibilities, if Urey can get past the ugly outside.

The Lego Flat
Urey always appreciated the look of a brick house, but if ever there was an earthquake, a brick house would ensure Urey’s doom. Award-winning architect Shea Galindo came up with the idea of swapping bricks with Legos. The outcome was a simple, yet elegant abode that Urey found to his liking. Urey thinks the colors are striking, and the cost of the Lego Flat is within his price range.

The biggest problem Urey has with this house is it has no windows. It makes the house feel more like a cave than a house, and Urey thinks of himself as a modern hamster. The house is also only one story and somewhat cramped.

On the up side, Urey could have the Lego Flat style home built wherever there is a plot available, and there is one available in the city close to some nice restaurants and the town square. He also wouldn’t be far from his family.

Rounding It Down
Urey has had a pretty exhausting day after looking at these five houses. There are things he likes and dislikes about them all. He thinks he’s going to have trouble deciding, so he’s asking for suggestions.

Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only. None of the houses are suitable for hamster living. To see factual information on hamster habitats, please visit the Housing tab on our Hamster page.

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Critters · Lifestyle

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