Scientists, psychologists and songwriters have wondered why the ones we love hurt us the most, whether it’s through their words, their actions or a combination of both, by letting their cat eat all of our bacon.
A man from West Yorkshire, England, experienced that particular heartbreak, and he responded in the best-slash-worst possible way: He called 999 (England’s equivalent of 911) and asked them to arrest both his girlfriend and the cat. Although his accent is thicker than even the highest quality pork belly, you can still hear the hurt in his voice when he says, “I want to press charges.”
The West Yorkshire Police Department shared the audio of the phone call (presumably to illustrate the kind of weirdos they have to deal with on a daily basis) and, to her credit, the dispatcher manages to stay calm when she’s talking to a man who wants to have the cat prosecuted.
“Sir, it’s not a criminal offense to let your cat eat your bacon,” she said. “And we don’t arrest cats.”
The man finally seems to understand that the loss of his bacon isn’t actually an emergency. But does that make it less painful? Not at all.